All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
