we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
