addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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