If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
