She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
