whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
