Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
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Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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