if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to calm my uterus...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
