have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
