she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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