You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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