I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
