I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
