Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
