life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
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All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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