Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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