it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
