Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
