my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
