We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
