Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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