we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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