Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she peed on how many people?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
