I have demons in me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
