at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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