it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
