been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
