This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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