Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Dear god my vagina.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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