I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
