just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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