Apparently you make a good broom.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
What a dumb baby whore.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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