i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
