she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
