You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
