I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
