I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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