When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
