Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
