he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
