the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
