Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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