I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
