I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
