and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
