it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
