Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
