Need sex. Gaining weight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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