I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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