Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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