you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
