I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
