finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
