I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
