yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
