dude i'm inner monologue high
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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