so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
