I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
