i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
