We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize