i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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