i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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