I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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