Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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