I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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