Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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