Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
