i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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