You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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