bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
