my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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