Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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