The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
