I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
