is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
