Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
