I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fence marks all over my body
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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