the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
