thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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