I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
