If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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