the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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