can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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