he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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