I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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