My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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