My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
